The Giraffe

It’s Only A Label !

I went for a pre-operative consultation last week at the hospital and was asked by the nurse how I would define my religion ? I had to think about this but eventually plumped for the epithet “Christian” I wanted to say follower of Jesus and then go on to explain this more fully. I felt embarrassed by the designation Christian because it has become an offensive term in some quarters and its meaning has so often been  diluted. The term “evangelical” similarly has many negative connotations, such as fundamentalist, bigoted, dogmatic, whacko . Who do we allow to define us? Which voices do we listen to?  How come words are vested with such  power to bless or curse ? 

I don’t like labels as they can become like prison cells- very confining! . If you had asked me ten years ago how I would  describe my faith I would have said I was a charismatic evangelical Christian , because that was the appellation given to my church tradition. Now I do not want to be tied down by such definitions, restricted by belonging   to a particular denomination .”Oh you belong to the Vineyard don’t you and they believe such and such” No, thank-you, that does not define the totality of my life and faith . In no way am I being dismissive of the particular tribe I belong to, but I value insight and practice from other  traditions.

But surely it’s only a descriptive term that helps people to communicate, to get a handle on things.? There in lies the problem,  people want to fit me into a particular mould and I want to break out of this . I don’t want to be branded like specific commodities. I range over a broader canvas and my theological thinking gives me wings to fly .On the other hand, I cannot escape my heritage, I’m thankful for it , I was brought up in a certain family but I refuse to be limited by it. I do still have to honour my particular roots, but  I have choices. . People’s stickers will not stick any longer, because I am beginning to change and I am feeling more confident about challenging these labels  You continuously get asked where do you fit in, and I’m content not to have a fixed  answer .

A label can provide a lot of comfort and re-assurance, build confidence, offer certainty. Labels are also social constructs, coming from a particular perspective, and culture, so are subject to differing interpretations. It is the freighting of these labels with prejudicial and prescriptive meanings  that I object to. I like the term post-evangelical, it has a certain affinity for me but that in itself engenders negative criticism – liberal, relativist, unbeliever.  I deplore this! Words need to be reclaimed and de-toxed  of any negative connotations. Labels come attached to a certain amount of baggage and it is this baggage which I am most uncomfortable with. But none of us comes from a neutral position and we have to be honest about what we bring to our faith and life commitment.

I aspire to be a faithful disciple of Jesus, come from an evangelical, charismatic tradition and attend a Vineyard Church. I am a companion in the Society of St Francis , a devoted husband to Liz and a soon to be registered Social worker. That is a description,  not a label that attempts to tie me down, to pigeon- hole me. It is a provisional statement open to change. and subject to further candour.

Windows on my Soul

I cried surfing the net this morning as the vibrancy and iridescence of the picture struck me, a Van Gogh painting acting as a header for the Henri Nouwen Socierty’s revamped website. It was a depiction of a farmer sowing seed in a spectacularly colorful panorama and a painting of some beautiful fishing boats. Van Gogh wanted people to wtiness the radiance of God’s handiwork reflected in his paintings. He chose the brightest of colours and painted with light. When we look at creation, it is animated with the presence of God. We are infused, embraced by the scene of beauty we observe and how it pays homage to its creator. God envelops the fabric of our lives and bids us come and discover his presence. I will purchase a print for my wall, because it was so splendid. It filled me with hope that seeds will produce growth.

I am similarly astounded by Salvador Dali’s masterpiece of Christ of St John of the Cross, which I discovered in the Glasgow Museum of Religious Art. Christ’s face is hidden but his head and body are seen from above and he is suspended not by nails but by love..The crucifix is suspended above a fishing scene painted at the author’s home, Port Lligat, Spain. The composition is said to be inspired by a 16th Century drawing by the Carmelite Friar St John of the Cross after he had a vision of Christ on the Cross. It has been suggested that the peculiar angle of the painting is similar to that of a crucifix presented to the lips of a dieing man. I love its clarity of definition ands its shocking simplicity. Dali wanted “..his Christ to be beautiful as the God that he is “

These paintings are icons that I can use to pray. I do not pray to them but through them and they are windows to my soul. Images produce emotions in us and communicate at multiple levels. They tell a story that is then re-imagined in our context, as we observe them. Am I the fisherman at the shores of Port Lligat whose mundane task of catching fish is enfolded by the Cosmic Christ or the farmer observing the harvest, casting out seed, as the sun rises with great hope?

I could reminisce about the San Damiano Crucifix that awakened real passion in St Francis, a copy of which decorates the wall of the monastery I frequently visit. I begin today to appreciate the beauty of praying with icons and give thanks to God for great art. What is great art?

Making the Connections

"The concept of connections had great importance to Thomas Merton both as a poet and in his religious life....Since Merton percieved the connections in many diverse elements of his life, I simply do what he did-put down everything ( in my journal/ blog) and wait for the connections to comein their own good time. All things, for him, had some potential connection: the problems of the hermit life, physical and intellectual and spiritual: how do you cook your food, how do you handle time, how do you wash your coffee pot inthe rain barrel, how do you light a fire in the fireplace with soggy or too-green wood." ( John Howard Griffin In Search of Thomas Merton)

He saw connections being made as an attitude of heart he drew from the contemplative life; an openess to things within the context of a life lived and saturated in prayer. It is the Spirit of God who brings meaning and revelation through the strangest of circumstances, things, people and events. It is like a golden thread weaving its way through the flotsam and jettson of my life and giving it some sense. What we learn is that we have to wait patiently for the connections to be made and in the meantime get on with the mudian tasks of living. We are open to the still small whisper of God, in the line from a film, in a lyric from a pop song, in a conversation with a stranger, from an advert hording on a crowded bus. God speaks in mutiple ways, we just have to get used to hearing.

Simply Love

I’m learning how to be loved and how to love. It is supposed to be simple but I just don’t get it, too many hurts and hang ups from the past, it’s taken God some time to get the message to sink into my heart that he actually likes me and wants to hang out with me. That he’s giddy and excited about my presence and sings about his fondness for me is just plain crackers! ( Zephaniah 3:17 ) You know how it goes, you’ve probably got the sermon in your bottom drawer. But, this love thing is starting to get to me, I know I am loved and I’m kind of liking it, but don’t grab the bucket too soon. Seventy percent of Christians struggle with the twelve inch drop from the head to the heart. I can tell you from the bible that God loves me, but to actually experience it, so it becomes a life changing reality is a whole different deal. The heart has to catch up with the mind. It was Henri Nouwen who wrote about his stuff the best, in my opinion, knowing that we are God’s beloved children was his quintessential message. It was a struggle he faced throughout his whole life and vividly portrayed in the Wounded Prophet by Mike Ford. If Nouwen struggled, I’m in great company. Are you feeling the love yet? ( to quote a good friend!)

To learn that God is a faithful lover and cares about my life enough to step into our world and take on human form- awesome! That he asks me to love my enemies, those that ridicule me, despise me, and cause me harm- that's where the tyre hits the road. God continue to teach me how to love.

As Maggi Dawn posted some time ago:

"I have come to understand that loves meets flesh on the border and in between. And love that never meets flesh is no kind of love at all. Love must have incarnation."